Thursday, December 10, 2009

Grief counselors and presents

So yesterday I went to a grief counselor at a local hospice. She was the ruddest person I have ever met. Right from the beginning when she said that oh 19 weeks isn't that far along I should have known. I tried to tell her about my feelings but then she interupted me with paperwork. Then i filled out the paperwork and checked off all my feelings. All she did was talk about her friend and her daughter in law. She talked about grief in very abstract terms. Then told me that she doesn't have a support group for me b/c the parents at the child loss group wouldn't accept me b/c i didn't actually lose a living child. Then she asked me about my sleeplessness and told me she thinks im the type of person who blows things out of proportion b/c my sleeplessness has only been for a few days. WHAT!!! This woman who has a ph d (at least it says so on her card) allowed her own feelings and beliefs get in the way of her job counseling me. I had to defend my son b/c in her mind he was just a fetus. I just don't understand her. thank god I did not pay for it b/c if i had i would demand my money back. So i just tried to get out of there as quickly as possible.

My sister was so angry by this woman's behavior she called the director and complained. The director was appalued by what my sister told her and that she was going to speak with her.

A little after this happened the woman from my support group called me. She runs it and she was very helpful to me. She understands what it's like to lose a child. She said i could call her anytime. I feel alot better talking to her that that horrible woman.

Today is a good day so far. I went to target and bought somethings. I bought a stocking for Ben. it was a red stocking and it had a B on the front. I also bought some ornaments for my tree. Really the only reason we are doing a tree this year is b/c we bought ornaments for Ben and want to hang them on it. I think every year I will buy an ornament for Benjamin. I would have done that anyway. This year I have bought 5 so far. We are going to a memorial candle lighting on Sunday and they will be selling ornaments so im sure i will be getting more. I also decided that this year my husband and I will buy fun stuff for each other for x-mas. I bought him the Tony Hawk skateboard game thing for him for Wii. I still have to do some more x-mas shopping for our nephews.

One thing that is really hard is walking past the baby sections at stores. I have no problem with seeing pregnant women or babies but baby sections at stores are just a constant reminder of all the things i wanted to buy Ben and can't know. Especially clothes. I think that's why im going a little crazy with ornaments b/c it's like well what else can I buy him.


  1. Oh my, I am so sorry you had to encounter this insensitive person.

    I am appalled on your behalf. "I didn't actually lose a living child" What? Ben lived with you for 19 weeks and 3 days. How is this not losing a living child?

    I'm so sorry.

    I'm sure your tree will be beautiful filled with ornaments for your son. It's a lovely way to honour his little loved life. I may have to join you and find something for our George.


  2. I am so sorry. That woman should be ashamed of herself.

    I think buying an ornament every year is a beautiful tribute to Benjamin.

  3. Shopping is still very very hard for me.

    I am appalled by the womans behavior that I am physically sick. I am sorry you had to go through that on top of everything. I love your sister!

    I love that song without you from rent.

  4. I am so, so sorry for your tragic loss. You lost a son, not a "fetus". I seriously want to kick that idiot woman's behind. What on God's green earth is someone with no compassion doing working in a hospice?!?? So glad your sister spoke up for you. I hope the director gave that "counselor" a good tongue lashing!!

    I love the idea of buying Ben an ornament every year - he will always be in your heart; this will be a tangible expression of his continued place as a member of your family.

    Anonykat from SC