Saturday, December 26, 2009


Sorry i haven't written in a week but as you can imagine it's been a very stressful week.
Christmas just wasn't the same. Normally, we go to my cousin's house for Christmas eve and then I have everyone to my house on Christmas day. But this year I had no interest in Christmas. We went to my parents Christmas Eve and then went to my brother in laws for Christmas day dinner. I drank a lot of wine there. But it didn't take away that ache is have. I miss Ben so much. I have a constant ache in my chest b/c i miss him. I want him here with me. It's just not fair!!

We went to a memorial candle lighting a week before Christmas. It was beautiful. It was held at Good Samaritan Hospital by the support group we belong to there. It was really nice to honor my son and all the other babies. We didn't have a service for Ben so we considered this to be our service to honor him. Nothing breaks your heart more then to see your husband crying over his son. There was a man there who lost his daughter and he wrote the most beautiful songs for her and he sang both of them. I wish he had a cd. Speaking of music Steven Curtis Chapman is a religious singer and I saw him on Oprah recently and he lost his adopted daughter in a tragic accident and he wrote the most beautiful songs about grieving and losing a child. One song that i love is called Just Have to Wait. Im going to try to see if i can add it to my playlist. But def check itunes and listen to it.